Daniel's Summer Blog

To be read very quickly and enthusiastically:

And the door opens! Here they come! It's Businessman followed by Harried Family and African Clergyman! Right behind them are Crying Baby and Guy Who Did Sudoku the Whole Time! There is a pileup at the gate, but College Student bursts through! The gap is fifteen lengths but he is gaining on them! He weaves through oncoming traffic dodging left and right! He hits the accelerator in stride but does not let it to the work for him! Aaaand he bursts into the middle of the pack, driving them apart, giving himself elbow room! He pauses to check his bearings and to rest his heaving flanks. And he is off again! Sprinting onward to the far corner, to the finish line! He has closed into second behind Harried Family! But Harried Family noses out College Student at the gate!!!

The masses are silent. There is no applause, barely a grudging notice of the feat itself. Both entrants did reach their destination in time, but one can only wonder if the other arrived as unwholly as he did.

If you did what I did, then you know exactly what is going on here. If not, then use your imagination.

I was working in this conference room the other week, I liked the blurred windows reflected on the further blurring table. Not related:

The state is strapped for cash I guess. Otherwise, I cannot explain the multiplicity of annoyances present in my most-beloved of airport in the city of Boston. Let us start with that which does not make them money, which in theory is required by federal, state or local regulation because I cannot think of another reason. Every 20-minute timespan, (let's call it a "flop") there are a few announcements about safety and security. One reminds the traveler not to leave bags unattended and not to accept or carry gifts from strangers (more on this later). Another informs the traveler that the airport terminal is smoke-free area and that the only designated smoking areas are at select curbside locations. Yet another tells the traveler that K-9 units are working so keep your pets in their cages, but they have not my concise writing skills. This series gets extremely tiresome after the first flop and excruciating if you have to be in the airport for more than an hour, which translates to three flops (my current visit to the airport is going to log almost three hours not including time spent at my transfer hub, the home of J-trot and the most underrated QB who would make his team great if only he could stay healthy for the second half of a season). OK fine, announcements are a matter of security, puedo aguantarlo. But here is the kicker: when they are not making announcements, there is music on! This is not a classy restaurant, this is not a concert, this is not an elevator where you get to step out before the music irritates you to the point of screaming. This is an airport. People are here because they have somewhere else to go. We are not here for fun or entertainment particularly according to someone's skewed definitions. The music has its own channel, it's called "Terminal Velocity." Now some people might think this is a very clever name, because we are sitting in a terminal and soon we will be traveling at high velocity towards our desired destinations. What most people to do not realize is that terminal velocity is a physics term (shout out to the Griffinator). Terminal velocity is the speed (I am ignoring direction here because when I think of terminal velocity it is always in one direction, straight down) at which a falling object ceases to accelerate at 9.8 m/s/s due to wind resistance. When the force propelling the object down is equal to the force pushing the object up, the speed remains unchanged and that is terminal velocity. To condense: terminal velocity is the fastest speed at which a given object can fall. Is that really what you want people to think about when they are about to get onto an airplane?

Don't accept gifts from strangers. Contrary to this, something new has blossomed in airports. Airline-sponsored credit card sign-ups. Some guy walks up to you, offers you a free gift and then once you take it he proceeds to show you the credit card application. Needless to say you have to give the gift back once you decline to sign up for the card. Also, there was an ad printed on my tray table. Is nothing sacred?

Please allow me tell you a little parable. My hometown is of the unimportant variety and therefore I often have to take 2 flights to get between school and home (you may have already guessed my stopover city). I am flying home on a gloriously sunny Friday afternoon and I fall asleep soon after settling into my seat on the first airplane. I wake up sometime later expecting to be surprised that we are airborne possibly even landing already. Much to my dismay I am looking down at a slightly different stretch of runway from the one we started on. This is most unfortunate, as I have a slim hour to catch my second leg. I fall asleep again, I wake up again. This time we are airborne, but I did not wake up of my own accord. The pilot is announcing that we are in a holding pattern for at least another fifteen minutes. Grand. The plane lands three minutes after my second leg is due to take off. Before I go into a dismal spiral of despair, I know that this airport is notorious for have late takeoffs (and being late in general) so I do not abandon hope and instead lightly jog off the plane. Shuttle to terminal F at gate C16 --> That is me! I pick up the pace a bit. I run down an escalator, jump the last steps and step onto the shuttle bus, the last person to get on before it departs. The bus is unbelievably slow. We yield to another bus who is bogarting most of the road. Come on people, don't you know there is a war on? I get off the bus, hook a quick left and sprint to my gate. I am just in time to see my plane disappear to the runway. 30 seconds earlier the door would not have been sealed. Honestly, I just can't make this stuff up. The next flight is 5 hours later, which explains why I am typing such a long blog entry.

Victuals: had two separate meals at ABP, my regular and the med wrap. Regular (mozzarella and tomato with pesto on a baguette) was delicious and not large enough as always. The wrap was huge, even though the lady obliged my by removing the greens. Its feta was extensive such that I was forced to drink between each bite, and the hummus was poor as expected.

Tearfully Yours,